Hopeless to Hopeful! My Roller Coaster Life! (7)

Hopeless to Hopeful! My Roller Coaster Life! (7)
Hello Readers! Here I am, as promised, to share some more wild, exciting and disastrous experiences that came along during my late teens and early twenties! In my last post, I spoke about the terrible tragic state I found myself in? In case, you missed post number (6), do take a moment to read the same, to be able to fully understand and enjoy this one!
So then, here we go:
With all efforts of pulling me out of my dark depression being made by everyone around me; I finally, but reluctantly, decided that I must at least start to try to think and feel better; if not for myself, then, at least, for my family.
The moment I made this tiny decision; my attention was immediately pulled towards Helen Keller! Her real life story, flashed like lightning, through my head! The thought of her tremendous achievements, despite, her countless massive struggles, difficulties and roadblocks; she still managed to live a meaningful life with all of her 3 disabilities! This thought truly, shook me to my core! It took me some time to actually understand the herculean effort and unwavering grit that she must have put in, to become a legendary world famous personality!
And, from that moment onwards, my inner voice, kept constantly screaming inside my head: “what in the world is wrong with you? You have so much going for you! Stop hiding behind excuses and get on with life! You can’t sit around sulking and complaining for the rest of your life, worry and trouble everyone in your family for ever, and then expect, everything will somehow turn out great for you in the end just by magic! You have got to work hard, do whatever it takes, and get onto your own feet; only then will you be able to be free to fulfil your dream, of living life queen size, with true happiness and dignity!
If Helen Keller could have made it, with her three disabilities; and in those times, then, you have nothing to complain about! You only have one disability, so, you simply have to make the most out of your life too “!
And immediately I felt ashamed of my behaviour and of my self-imposed depression! Thinking of her, I realized that I had absolutely no reason to pity and feel sorry for myself! And that is when, I became charged with motivation, and stopped sulking and hanging around in my self-created sorrow and depression! Suddenly I felt the darkness and gloom vanished from my life, filling me with unlimited energy and enthusiasm to have a wonderful time living my life!
Please note: all it took me to become motivated and full of life again, happened in that one split second; when I made that one small shift in my own thinking! Why did I not think about her earlier? I had always known the story of Helen Keller, all my life; but, until I guess, I finally got sick and tired, fed-up and disgusted with myself and my then life, was I forced from within, to pay attention to her thought and story!
Probably, the motivation to make a positive shift in my thinking and behaviour was triggered, by the fact that I realized that I was fast losing the will to go on in life; for I did not wish to do anything at all except feel down and sad, thinking about all the negative happenings in my life! And, I realized that, I seemed to be enjoying and craving the pity filled attention that I was getting from my parents and family! This had become an addiction, the more I got, the more I longed for!
Fortunately, this realization pushed me to understand that if I continued to behave as I was behaving, I would end up living a miserable, meaningless, unhealthy and depressed existence! I would ultimately land up, living life with nothing to look forward to, which I never ever wanted to do! I always felt the happiest when there was a lot to do and a great deal to look forward to! and I also realized, that if I don’t make a life of my own and get onto my own feet; I will have to live life according to people who provided for me and looked after me; rather than live life on my own terms and will! I never may be able to do things I so loved to do!
And more so, I knew somewhere deep down in my heart, that, very soon, I would be left out of everything in life! For, I did know, deep in my heart, that if I went on sulking and being sad forever, people around me will surely get tired and fed-up with me and my sad story, they most certainly will stop trying to motivate me, and then I will have no one to be with, and nowhere to go! For, everyone around have their own lives to live, everyone has their own thing to do and no one wants to, or, can go on trying to motivate and help someone, who does not herself want to help herself! I probably did not want to be doomed forever! I did not also want to become a patient of depression for life, forced to live on medication and pain!
How glad I am that good sense finally prevailed, and I did what I did then! At this very moment, I shudder to even think how could I have lived like a life without spirit, love and excitement for the last 44 years and more I guess!
So, one finds day, I decided to throw away my sorrows and got myself to dare to dream again!
My dream was to have a handsome, loving and amazing husband, to have my own beautiful home filled with my own children and everything that went with it!
Little did I know, that no man wanted to marry me, just because I was blind! They all took pleasure in being my boyfriends, but, whenever the question of marriage arose, they either vanished themselves, or, their mothers desperately discouraged their sons; some of whom I wouldn’t have even thought of marrying, to give up their stupid and unthinkable idea of marrying a blind girl!
Dear Readers, certainly I will tell you what happened to this new dream of mine, but for that, you will have to hold on and wait for my next post! And, if you have missed any of my previous posts, just read them on this blog, for only then will you be motivated and make hope the bases of your lives!
Thank you all for all your comments and questions! Keep them coming on the blog and at:
Preeti.monga@gmail.com
WhatsApp 9871701646
Preeti signing off for now!